The Power In Choosing
My life is becoming amazing and beautiful and easy. I no longer hold on to resentment and sadness like I used to.
I have learned to feel my emotions, to move through them, allow them to surface and release them.
In the past, I would have picked up that bottle of wine. Even last week I would have smoked myself into oblivion.
But not today.
Today I let them surface, move through, and then out of me.
I’ve learned to get quiet, see things differently and view these situations through the eyes of love.
I get down to the truth. I remove the surface shit. I see it all very clearly.
I see the fears that live down in the depths of my soul. I understand those fears. And I release the need to control.
I am free.
Do you hold on to the anger? The resentment? The pain?
The shit that eats you up inside?
The shit that keeps your mind locked into this exhausting miserable state?
Cause I don’t anymore and it’s fucking glorious!
I have learned that I can choose.
I can choose how I react. I can choose how I see it.
I. CAN. FUCKING. CHOOSE!
And there is so much power in that. That is true control.
Once you are able to control your mind, allow your feelings a place to go and release them… a whole new way of being emerges.
And you wonder how you were never able to do this before.
Where and when in your life did you learn to supress and medicate and then escape reality?
Childhood. Of course. It always goes back to childhood.
As children we don’t know how to deal with these big emotions. The ones bigger than ourselves and we look to those around us for guidance. The adults in our lives. Older siblings. Cousins. Friends. Doctors. Society.
And somewhere along the line we picked up that it’s not okay to really feel all those feels.
That it’s okay to mask the pain. That it’s okay to push that shit aside and move on througout your day.
And then we grow up. And we still don’t know how to process them.
How is that serving you now?
How does holding on to those old thoughts and patterns and behavior create your reality now?
Are you happy? I mean really. Truly. Blissfully. Joyfully. Happy?
Sure… maybe. Sometimes. Occasionally. No. Not really.
Yep. Me too.
Well, me until recently. Until I found a new way. A better way. A way that now I couldn’t go back to that bitter, angry, sad, miserable, desperate girl I was.
How? You may ask.
Because. Love. I choose love. Daily. Moment by moment. Second by second. I choose love.
I breathe. I take a moment. I step back. I replay. I observe. I am gentle on myself.
And I still GET to choose love. Because I am living and breathing and I still have a pulse. I still have a choice.
I choose love.
I get quiet. I journal. I clear the space in my head to allow love to come through. I soften. I gain understanding. I gain wisdom. I choose to see the bigger picture. I choose to forgive. I ask for guidance. I receive my messages.
And I. choose. love.
When the fight is over and it’s just you.
Alone with your thoughts.
A moment to yourself.
When you can choose to either unconsciously self-medicate with alcohol/food/drugs/enter your poison here… whatever it is that helps you escape.
try a new way.
To allow the emotions to surface. To allow them to paralyze you for a moment. To not fear them. To allow them to flow and then release them.
To know that the calm will come and wash over you.
Then sit down. Take pen to paper and scream those thoughts into existence. To get them out of your head. To make them real.
To validate them. To validate yourself. To let them surface. To give yourself the gift fo healing. Because that’s when the healing begins…
When you’ve learned and decided to let. it. go.
To love yourself enough to just let it go.
To be free.
To forgive yourself.
To love yourself.
To honor yourself.
To be true to yourself.
To level up your conciousness.
Your state of mind.
To rise the fuck up.
Will you just try?
One step at a time. One moment at a time. It takes practice. You may not get it on the first go around.
But each time I tried, I moved closer and closer to the truth. Peeling back layer by layer.
Countering each of my beliefs with a new belief.
If it is possible for me, then I KNOW it is possible for you.
Just give it a try. See what comes up.
This only YOUR LIFE.
What will you choose?