How I Manifested A DUI
You know what’s scary AF? Change.
When I haven’t asked for it. When I am not prepared for it. When I didn’t initiate it. When I didn’t want it.
When change is happening around us and we don’t know why and we feel like the world is coming crashing down around us and it doesn’t feel good and it feels out of control and you feel frantic… that is when you have to let it go.
Release. Let it work itself out. Let it be easy. Because there is always a reason. Realize that even though you may not understand in those moments, it is for your good. Your world is working to complete that cycle.
Everything is in a cycle
Everything in our lives is in a cycle… either at the beginning, in the middle or at the end. And the lesson for that cycle is coming to you. For you to understand why what was happening has happened. To give you higher understanding.
And to make way for new.
Because when you release, you open up the channels to receive. New. Better. Evolve. Expand. Grow.
I recently had my blow ‘n go (ignition interlock device/state mandated breathalyzer) restriction lifted off my driver’s license and it was scary AF knowing I wouldn’t have my safety net anymore.
That method of control that keeps me from driving intoxicated — it was scary to think about having that removed. From my car and from my life. It was my excuse to not drink. And I needed it, for a long time I needed it. To help keep me on my path so I wouldn’t stray and get myself another DUI or kill someone or kill myself.
I was facing major jail time
I was facing major jail time and a total upset to my life. My future was clear from every angle and it was the one thing that kept me straight. It was my crutch.
But it was also my way of strength. When I wasn’t strong enough to say no, I could shift it to that being the reason I didn’t drink. Now I have my children, my family and this whole new life. I have learned to live. No more partying. No more bars. No more drinking at that level again. Even now, I have learned how to have self-control.
But having the restriction lifted and the device removed, I was a mix of emotions. Elated to be done! Now that money I was shelling out every month could be used for other things, better things, like investing in my growth. Investing in me. And that feels so much better than any drink. Or hangover. Or blackout.
And I am now in such a different place. 3 DUI’s, 6 years of restriction later… I welcome the completion of that cycle in my life.
I learned the lesson
I learned the lesson. I grew. I expanded. I evolved. I am living in a new way now. The old way has fallen away and I don’t even miss it. And for that, I am grateful for the lessons I needed to learn.
Because without the restriction I wouldn’t have my family today. I wouldn’t be free. I probably wouldn’t be alive. Life is funny sometimes, isn’t it? When we ask for what we want, and we get it. But it never looks like what we had imagined.
I asked God for a way out several times. I prayed endlessly. Every time I came to. Every time I was in the aftermath. Every time I got a DUI. Every night I spent in jail. Every time I lost my place to live. Every time… I fell to my knees and prayed. And I finally received my way out. It was the best way He could help me at the time. It was the only way I would listen.
I manifested my way out
I manifested my way out of the darkness. God, my angels, the universe… gave me exactly what I asked for. I received my way out.
Even though it didn’t look the way I wanted it to. Even though I had many opportunities before to create the change I desired. I had to learn my lesson that way. I was blocked to any other way before. And because of this, I do not judge that part of my past.
I embrace, honor and reflect with an open heart.
I forgive myself for having to go through it.
And I don’t judge myself for it.
And THAT is priceless beyond measure.
Change is good. Completion is good. Growth is good. New beginnings are good.
Life. Is. Good.
I choose life.