Breaking The Cycle

Breaking The Cycle

My biggest fear has been shot down

My biggest fear has been shot down, kicked in the teeth, burned to ash and buried in a deep dark cave that will never see the light of day again.

Okay, maybe that was a little morbid for a pic like this?

Maybe, but that’s how I feel (and today I’m all about the feels)

Because when I come into a room and see this… my heart is instantly full and overflowing

They are the best of friends, completely obsessed with each other and are (almost/might as well be) connected at the hip.

These 2 give me hope.

You see, I didn’t have the best relationship with my sister growing up. I remember all the fighting, the stealing, the lies and the resentment.

It wasn’t until we grew up

It wasn’t until we grew up, had both graduated high school, felt the pain of our parent’s divorce and only had each other to lean on that we were finally able to begin to mend our relationship.

We grew to love each other in a way that wasn’t forced.

We leaned on the other for support.

We learned what it was like to talk to each other from the heart and not feel guarded.

We accepted the other, regardless of our history and left that shit behind.

We forgave each other.

It was/is my biggest fear that my children hate each other with the passion and fire that my sister and I did growing up.

It was/is my greatest mission to create a space where my babies will grow and love and support each other from day 1.

I get there will be fighting (shoot, there already is)
I get there will be rivalry
I get that they might fight for our attention/affection
I get that they will spew awful things to each other
I get that they won’t always get along

But in the midst of them discovering who they are

But in the midst of them discovering who they are, growing into who they will be and trying to define their independence and their place in this world…

They will always be there for each other
They will always love the other fiercely
They will always have the other’s back
They will always be by the other’s side
They will always lead the other
They will always protect the other

Because that is who I am.

I understand that it’s my JOB to facilitate this for them
I see the past and my history for what it was
I can see the way it could have been had only…
My parents did the best they could with what they were equipped with
And it’s up to me to break the cycle

I’m not perfect in any way and I don’t claim to be.

I just know that it HAS to be different for them.

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